You may be telling yourself, “I can’t talk to my mother about this – she’d have a fit!” Fathers, too, seem to loom as scary monsters: “My father would be so angry if he knew I’d slept with anybody”.
Practically all teenage girls say: “My father would kill me”. There is a high degree of alienation between pregnant teens and their parents. You don’t want your parents in on this crisis because you don’t want them to know what’s been going on. But, chances are, if you would give them a chance, they would be very supportive.
It’s certainly difficult to think logically and sensibly when you feel like the Titanic has hit an iceberg and all your future goals and aspirations are sinking out of sight. You probably feel that your reactions are suddenly frantic and impulsive. To protect yourself from snap judgments and emotions, you must back off from the situation instead of rushing into it.
The most important thing to do immediately is: nothing. Don’t flee into action, but rather retreat into reflection. The tendency is to accuse, blame, threaten, and panic; but there is no way that this approach can be constructive. Shifting responsibility is a well-used human trait. Any decision you make, however, should shift from blame to responsibility.
You cannot escape the part you played in this situation. It is hard to untangle the emotions of anger and guilt, and to get a fresh, objective perspective. You need to vent your emotions to someone who won’t add fuel to the flames. You may just want to go numb and let others lead you into a decision you really don’t want.
But, making no decision is still ultimately your decision. You will be the one who will have to live with whatever decision is made, not those who lead you into it. Certainly, it’s not easy to think logically when you are under this kind of stress! You are thinking of your future; having a baby would change your whole life. Nobody can predict the future. We never have total control over our lives.
Anything, at any time, can dramatically change the course of one’s life: an accident, an illness, the sudden death of a loved one. Time’s change, people change, circumstances are constantly changing every day. Life is uncertain.
This could be your only opportunity to ever have a child. A philosopher once said, “He who sacrifices his conscience to ambition burns a picture to obtain the ashes”. You are unique; your baby is unique. There will never again be another one like THIS CHILD in the history or the future of the universe.
Each of us has a purpose in this life! We cannot predict what this child will accomplish as a musician, a business person, a doctor, an artist, an athlete, a research scientist, or a political leader.
Keeping your baby will take courage. It will take commitment and determination. Love is the only emotion that isn’t natural. Love is the only emotion that must be learned and it is the only one that matters! The only thing that will keep your child alive is for YOU to learn to love him or her. Love involves giving; giving your child time to grow and be born.
An unplanned pregnancy does not always lead to an unwanted child. Most women who choose to keep their babies would not trade their decision for anything in the world. If you feel that you could not raise your child, it is comforting to know that for every one 1 baby available, there are over 8 couples longing to adopt! These couples yearn to give a child a good, secure home with plenty of love and affection.
As one teen put it, “The guilt of destroying my child is far greater than any remorse I could feel from giving my child a loving home through adoption!” This is a mature attitude to take. Your child does have a right to be born because he/she is innocent; your baby has intrinsic value as a human being.
You had the right to be born. Your child is alive, within your womb (uterus), and always will exist. He/she is a child and their life, or inability to live, will affect future history. Not only your child’s life & lifetime is at stake. The spouse of this child, and all the children who would have been, and their children, will not exist because the unique genetic make-up of your child would be lost to these future generations.
So, take your time, reflect on your life and the life growing within you.